PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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