yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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