this beer tastes like vomit already
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
