does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
