apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
