Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just had sex on a roof
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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