You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
