was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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