The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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