just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
