Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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