goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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