If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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