I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
