all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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