Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
