Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
