i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
