just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
