Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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