you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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