Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
