I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
