I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
