3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
