whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
