So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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