I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
