You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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