last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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