I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
