Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
