Whod you bang
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
