Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
