i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
