This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
