I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
