Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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