I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
