so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
where am i from again
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
