go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Michael Bay diarrhea
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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