Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
