How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
