Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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