I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
they need to just BURY HIM!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize