apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You are a genius and a whore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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