Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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