Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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