I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
