im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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