my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
A bitchslap is in order.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
