You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
