3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
