watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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