who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
