i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
