Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
