I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
