Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
