I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
