i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
