it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
