and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
