i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
