I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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