My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
