I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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